Today was day 40 of the Insanity workout.

The first week into the second month feels just as hard if not harder than the first day.

One of those days when my muscles were so sore I could barely get through the moves.

One of those days of being on the floor struggling to do a variation of a pushup and all insecurities come flooding in and I have to put my forehead against the carpet, release a few sobs only to hear Shaun T give me permission to take a break as long as I got back into it. Some days are just really fucking hard.

Exercise is supposed to help with depression and anxiety, and it does, but some days it is just too difficult to get out of my head, so I struggle and end up feeling worse. Luckily those days don’t come around too often.

This is my second time doing the program and I love it.

I love the structure. I love not having to think about what to do to exercise or what stretches I need to compliment them.

I love that it is so hard that each day, even the shittiest days, I still feel like I accomplished something. I’ve been so low that sometimes it is the only thing I accomplish in a day, but what a thing!

I love Shaun T. As an instructor, he has the perfect personality to encourage you to go beyond what you think you are capable of but to still be gentle with yourself.

Twenty-three more days to go.